Communicating Through Body Language

“Are you sure?” Arms crossed, I wore a stern face and stared into my teen’s eyes, trying to decide if she was lying or telling the truth.

“I know you don’t believe me.” She stomped out of the room.

I sighed, checked myself, and followed her. Anger and fear had clouded my judgement. Allowing those emotions to affect our conversation had pushed my daughter away.

Maybe you can relate. Your intentions of a closeknit relationship are impeded by emotions revealed through irrational (or, sometimes, rational but not productive) behaviors – specifically outbursts or noticeable body language.

Body Language

A look. A gesture. A pause. Tone of voice. Laughing. Crying. Staying silent. These are signals we transmit all day long. And the infamous rolling of the eyes!

“A high percentage of messages are communicated through body language. We lean in when we’re engaged. We back up when we’re disinterested or afraid. We tower over someone to show power and lower ourselves to show equality. Toddlers poke their parents to get their attention. Teens bat their eyes or flip their hair to flirt. They strut their stuff in confidence or slouch and hang their heads when feeling unnoticed, insecure, or ashamed.” (excerpt from Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, p. 129)

Maybe a child’s overreaction or seeming lack of concern is baffling. Their response seems out of sync with the situation. Looking past their signals and deciphering their mood or circumstances may give clues to their current situation. Understanding brain science and hormonal changes in teenagers will help us be more sympathetic and respond with patience.

Teen Signals

Teens send signals! Blank stares, rolled eyes, slammed doors, silence, angry tears, crossed arms, tight jaws, clenched fists.

Reacting to their behavior is easy; however, we should not allow their attitude or conduct to affect ours. Sometimes they truly don’t know what they think or feel, and they’re doing their best to communicate without having a meltdown. A tantrum could be a cry for help. Procrastination could be a clue that they don’t know how to proceed. A quick, “WHATEVER” may really mean they just don’t know.

Taking a deep breath, looking past the body language, and trying to detect the actual message is the better option. Ask open-ended questions, sit quietly, and listen. Sometimes all they need is someone to listen and offer them time and space to process their emotions.

Parent Signals

We sometimes send mixed signals that others misinterpret. Is your face easy to read? Can your children tell if you’re annoyed, frustrated, bored, or agitated based on your facial expression? If so, they may react to this signal. Unfortunately, misreadings can instigate improper responses. For example, if our children misinterpret a concentration face as, “I’m mad at you,” or “I’m not listening to you,” they may feel devalued. That’s a message we never want to send.

Reading body language becomes especially challenging during tense situations or difficult conversations. On good days, I’m careful to check myself. Does my body language invite openness rather than show contempt? Is my facial expression one of curiosity and concern rather than judgment? Am I providing space for my child to think about her responses?

Sometimes body language reflects intense feelings—anger, hurt, fear. Even so, we don’t want emotions to interfere with conversations. When sensing a child is reacting to one of these signals, address it.

“I’m angry right now, but I still love you. My response to this situation will not be based on anger.” (We may need a cooling-off period before continuing the conversation.)

“I’m deeply hurt, but I know you didn’t intentionally hurt me. I will recover, and whatever decisions we make regarding this problem won’t be based on me or my feelings. I love you, and it’s my job to protect you, and I will do my best to do that.” (We may need a break from the conversation to forgive and get past the hurt.)

“I’m afraid something terrible may happen, but we won’t make a decision based on fear.”

To show teens we value their thoughts and feelings, use positive cues: nods, eye contact, open posture (uncrossed arms, relaxed shoulders), smiles, and appropriate touch.

Effective parenting requires decoding messages no one says out loud. Awareness of both our own and their body language, is an important skill in interpreting our children’s signals. Not easy, yet necessary to build trust and nurture healthy relationships.

We can’t do it alone!

Help us make sure that our youth are properly equipped to make healthy choices NOW so that they can go on to lead happy, successful lives later. Let’s change the face of the community today!

Show Support Today!

Comments for this post are closed.

Latest Posts