Time to Talk About Pornography

Children as young as four or five are exposed to pornography for the first time.1 A Common Sense Media study reported that most teens have consumed pornography, and 58% of them stumbled onto it by accident.2 That means your 4- to 10-year-old child or grandchild could be playing a game, watching a YouTube video, doing research for school, or whatever, and they unintentionally see a pornographic video.

The pornography industry preys on young children and teens, especially on social media. They don’t need to look for it. It finds them.

Besides accidental exposure, children are typically exposed to pornography two other ways:

Curiosity. Children are curious. As they mature, their desire to understand their bodies and what sex is about grows. It’s normal. So, out of natural inquisitiveness they innocently Google a question. Instead of a clinical explanation, a video of sex acts appears.

Friends. Friends show friends porn—at school, on the bus, at sporting events, and on the playground. This is common. The more normalized pornography becomes, the more children see it and show it to their friends.

Instead of running scared from the conversation, let’s be the ones to talk about it. This discussion will help prevent the “normalization” of pornography. It needs to include the dangers and negative effects.

1 https://fightthenewdrug.org/parents-this-study-shows-kids-as-young-as-7-are-accessing-porn/

2 https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/teens-and-pornography

Note that an underage person cannot agree to sexual activity. In the United States, the age of consent is 16-18 years old, depending on the state. There can be exceptions, but if an 18-year-old engages in sexual activity with someone younger (i.e. 15 or 16), the parents of the younger teen can accuse the 18-year-old of sexual battery.

Also, notice that consent cannot be freely given when an unequal power dynamic exists. Whether or not someone commits sexual battery can depend on their position of authority or their age relative to the victim’s age. A student could feel obligated to a teacher. An employee may believe they will lose their job if they don’t comply. A teen could be afraid to reject a bully’s advances.

Selfish. Someone who watches pornography is self-focused. Whatever the initial cause, their desire is pleasure and fulfillment. In contrast, a loving relationship is selfless. Teens need to understand the benefits of self-control and of putting others first.

Violent and Aggressive. Pornography displays sex acts as aggressive, demeaning, and violent. Because pornography exposure is prevalent, the number of minors committing sexual assault is rising. We combat this by discussing the benefits of sexual relations inside a healthy marital relationship.

Distorted and Unrealistic. Pornography paints an unrealistic picture of sexual encounters and distorts views of sexual relationships. Unfortunately, children who don’t know the difference between healthy and unhealthy don’t understand that these photos and videos aren’t normal or practical.

Gateway to Other Online Dangers. Pornography leads to sexual exploitation, sextortion, and sex trafficking.

Ruins Lives. A person stuck in a pornography addiction feels shame, guilt, anger, and insecurity. They may isolate themselves or harm others. Most want to quit but can’t break free from its grip. Long-term issues include lost jobs, torn families, and unhealthy relationships. Anyone caught in this destructive behavior should seek help.

Tone of Voice and Body Language

Our children need to know we love them unconditionally and will not judge them. Keep your tone of voice calm and body language loving.

Ask Open-Ended Questions.

Ask Open-Ended Questions. We want to create space for them to be themselves. Open-ended questions allow them to express themselves and help you understand their thinking and motives. Here are a few examples to help start a conversation:

• Have you ever heard your friends talk about pornography?
• I heard the average age of first exposure to pornography is between 8 and 12. What do you know about it?
• What would you do if a friend showed you a pornographic image?

Remember to stay calm and listen, listen, listen. Even if your child doesn’t respond, acts irritated, or is embarrassed, they know you’re willing to discuss these hard topics and you’re available when they’re ready to talk.

Benefits

As your conversations progress, review the benefits of sex within the confines of a healthy relationship. It’s selfless, consensual, enjoyable, and mutually respectful. It bonds two.people and enhances the relationship. Tell them you hope they experience a thriving sex life—someday, with the right person at the right time.

These honest, ongoing discussions, albeit difficult at times, are important. If we don’t inform our children, someone else will. Don’t be afraid to bring up the topic. Who knows, maybe your child wants to talk with you but doesn’t know how to start.

For more resources to help you start, visit Hopeful Mom’s resources page.

We can’t do it alone!

Help us make sure that our youth are properly equipped to make healthy choices NOW so that they can go on to lead happy, successful lives later. Let’s change the face of the community today!

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